Tonight PBS is showing Dinosaur Wars, about the rivalry between Cope and Marsh and their rush to see whose penis was A) biggest and B) could discover and name the most dinosaurs. I was searching for more information about the series when I came across some unrelated but TOTALLY AWESOME books on Amazon:

Self-published with a vanity press? Check.

Cover art done by the author? Check.

SOLD AMERICAN.

There’s so much to talk about here. These covers are layered. It’s like they tell you everything you need to know about the book before you buy it. You know exactly what you’re getting into. Compare to this:

I mean come on. What does this cover tell you about the book? Only that it uses “the corrected text.”

Conversely, Thomas Hopp’s brilliant Dinosaur Wars covers tell you what to expect: dinosaurs with mohawks, the moon shooting lasers at the Earth, cowboys, tanks, helicopters, Indian sherrifs, women with uncomfortable physical deformities, and fucking dinosaurs carrying guns. In the sequel you get pteranodons, more of the moon shooting lasers at the Earth, a different woman or the same woman who must have had surgery to correct her spine, Erik Estrada, a peregrine falcon that’s been photoshopped to look like a dinosaur, and Robotech.

Any two or three of these things would make for an amazing book. These covers warn you that you get everything on those lists, so buckle up, son, you’re in for the literary rides of your life.

I am amazed these books aren’t getting more press. Consider this post my part in getting the word out.